Psychology of dating book
When Penguin approached him about turning his comedy into a book, Ansari was struck with an idea.Rather than rehashing his comedy he “wanted it to be an analysis of what everyone’s going through,” he says.“I thought of writing a humor book that was also a sociology book, so that it actually has some heft.” But for that he’d have to conduct a study—and for that he’d need a sociologist.It was the publisher who paired Ansari with Eric Klinenberg—NYU sociology professor and author of (Penguin, 2012), which documents the growing trend of single living as a way to assert independence and control over one’s lifestyle. '” Already being familiar with the Parks and Recreation star’s work put him in “a subcategory of about four other sociologists,” he jokes.Walk into a room full of people and it won’t take you long to pick out those who appeal to you, based on the colour of their shirt, the style of their shoes, how they speak, or the countless other indicators that work beneath our conscious awareness. Try deliberating your way through all those social signals and weighing them up based on their individual merits and you’ll end up making some strange choices, or going home single.
On the one hand, it makes a certain primal sense to explore all the potential mates available, to be sure to get the best deal.
It is slow, deliberative and analytical, a product of our (relatively) recently evolved prefrontal cortex; it enables us to make complex computations, and to direct our attention at particular tasks.
System 1, by contrast, is fast, automatic and emotion-led, driven by far older neural circuits; it operates automatically and with little sense of agency. Effective decision-making requires both systems – but sometimes it is better to use one over the other. In the real (offline) world, sussing out a potential partner is – at least in the beginning – indisputably a system 1 activity.
We connect with our friends and family through text, email, social networking sites (SNS), and instant messaging to name but a few.
Through a variety of online platforms we seek old and new friends, business partnerships and collaborations, employers and employees and of course, we seek candidates for those relationships most dear to us, romantic relationships.